Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
