wat bout pragnant strippers??
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
