you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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