ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
