I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We left the knife in your bed.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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