i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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