Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
