PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
50% drunk capacity currently
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
