went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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