I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
