i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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