Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The air was thick with penises
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
