He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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