Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
