im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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