3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
