omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
and you fell through a lawn chair
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