i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
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