peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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