I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
