David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
