he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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