I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
