frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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