dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
