I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
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