yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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