There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
