My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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