You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Farmville is her only friend.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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