she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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