my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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