Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
