make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We're too hungover to prance.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
