Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
im six kinds of drunk right now
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
