where does the pee come out of this thing
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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