Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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