If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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