So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
