I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
