but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
