i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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