How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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