Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
