he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
