i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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