I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
