oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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