The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
