i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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