Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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