why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
people are starting to question the shark bite story
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
