i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
