I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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