Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
